thoughts - images ...of perplexities

I was watching twin peaks… the latest season… anyone having done that knows that it's a “diffi-cult” task… lots of slow scenes… lots of pauses… at some point two medium length shots were blurred! One doesn’t know these days it is of artistic expression… or a mere malfunction of the medium one chosen to –illegally- view a movie or a tv series for that matter… Nevertheless the two shots that were blurred made me feel (hmm!) that the persons on them were dead in a way or will be soon…
Death “the final frontier” (to stay on cinema-tv quotes and field).
The final frontier seems to be closing in lately… sudden death, slow death, repetitive death, silent death, natural death (its good to feel close to nature… but what is natural now), unexpected death, expected and overdue, logical, public and private, death within, death with out, death with nothing left behind, death as the begging of a new life… ironical death… self-imposed death, death by accident…
It hurts… still not sure why we need it… sometimes.
Funerals are for the living… and doing what needs to be done… in a way, makes you live… so: living friend, “dying” shovel, hard sunburned athenian soil filled with garbage, to say the least…  wo greek –or turkish- coffees, two shots of brandy, two dozen tears –it's the leitmotif of the season…

so long

There is great hope for the world. There is love and understanding and thoughtfulness… there is also the repeat button on most applications that permit you to hear the same song over and over… I prefer to switch tabs and press it every once in a while… it doesn't matter what your usual preferences in music -or other- are, you can always find a song that means so much for a time period. I don't know if that actual song means anything for the situations you are experiencing… usually you can reinterpret the text… isn’t that what art is? Reinterpretation makes everything make sense. It's the same, as writing in a different language from you maternal one (i think I have already mention it somewhere in texts below). I have heard a lot of new songs lately: greek, “foreign” (really how foreign are they?). Tears, emotional ones, release a painkiller and an anti-stress hormone –or so science says-… Songs –in repeat- make you cry… especially songs as the ones referenced above. There is something that your company can do to stop your crying (not yet an actual medical certainty): holding the other persons leg with both your hands and asking him or her not to cry, does the trick. It true!
Sincere discussions are thought to be rare, but there are not! There is always the possibility that social and economical circumstances help or deprive you of the chance to realize that honesty does exist! I always thought that it made things so much not interesting… I am not pro lying! But thinking by myself, more things that I disclose always made me feel protected.
Well it doesn't work!
I just realized that saying something you mean-feel now, doesn't oblige you to make it come true… or actually, sometimes just saying it makes it a little bit more true, or possible. I lived all my life thinking that you say something you can do… not in theory=talking, but in seeing it as doable… measuring the actual potential of everything… but living by this, all the songs I put on repeat doesn't make sense… they shouldn't exist. But they do, and I am switching tabs to hear it while writing this text. I’ve said it before: I am lucky! In more ways that one!
Now, what do I want?
I want to hear in repeat… for now!
Thank you

Ps. No song orthis time to separate this text from the previous, sincerity is done in person…

yes, where does the power come from… where does stability, harmony, bliss, calmness comes from… a true and long lost friend told me that when you stop asking for things to happen… they do! considering all that has happened -and changed- these passed few years… i would have to say that the change is a good one…
but, is it the change that made everything happen… where does my base -as in basic element- stand… i was sure it’s inner calmness and stability… but if that’s so… how can you feel fulfilled with what you get and not feeling somewhat under-trying/coping/wishing?
from my reedings of most of murakami's books i ended up with: eating what you should, in the correct time, dumping it in an appropriate amount of time too, good night sleep… and that is about it… this provides stability… all the other self-fulfilling events came after… Okey, plus the fast that i am almost forty in a society that values experience and networking in a BIG way!
what did change?
i never thought that working with oneself could have such an outcome (keep in mind that i still feel i am in the first two steps of the procedure, or wait, it is me that should keep that in mind!)
I had it good… but seem to be getting it better… i did lots of things… but seem to be doing even more and with greater ease… (let’s hope i do not jinx it)
letting go has a power … a great power, thus you have to have things to let go… (and thank you «things»!!!). What lies ahead? More letting go? More things, new things to have/own to let go… and «let go» can easily sound as «lets go!» (once more writing in a none natal language makes focusing easier).
Thank you.
Organisation and organised environments do the trick… but do not stress about it!
i like garlic too
and ginger

and tumerique 

i have being blessed in my life to be 38 and still refer to the end of the year in the beginning of summer... and still be able to be an adult about the time measure thing and recapitulate with the other adults -as well- on new-years eve...
2016 has being a good "school" year! done a lot of stuff -most of which are posted on the blog for promotional reasons- met a lot of new people -i guess that that is also measurable in fb- have had a lot of changes -this one hasn't a media measurable!-.
The ultimate goal is to communicate through physical presence and any sort of medium-material-art-language-song-gesture-poetry-joke-provocation-text-cliché-obscenity-truth-sign-lie-fiction-fact-present-past-future even-gag-ANYTHING!!! To communicate for the short period of time that is the spectacle (i prefer them short).
When you see shows of young performers, produced by themselves, you also see all they can do... or at least all they think they can do... I don't mean it in a bad way... i mean that they tend to want to show off what they can do so they will be employed again... Sometimes if you are lucky -ie. blessed- you get to be young again!!! 
I got the opportunity to do all i can do! (okey not all!!!)
Big theatre! Huge stage! Lots of lighting equipment! All my garbage on stage! Objects! Live scenography! Improvisation! Object manipulation! Puppeteering!! Setting things on fire on stage!!! As one of my friends told me after the show: "you were the happiest man on stage!" And that was true (not wanting to speak for anyone but myself...) I could ask for a little text, so as to be acknowledged as a "real actor" but who gives a f**k i set a puppet phenix on fire on stage while the audience chanted words to make it come alive!!! 
i thus is the reason (happiness) that i posted many photos this time... hope you enjoy!!!

it has being such a long time since i wrote... i want to write: "bless me social media reader, for i have sinned"... and indeed i have... sinned!
Stress, i fell for your impossible and mesmerizing strength... i seem to have seen the pattern: stress=fear=anger= saying i am sorry etc. But is it a sin? or is it just a mechanism, a way of coping with ... life! Used to have the stabilizing type... everything happening inwards... in the mind... now i express myself and insault others... who can decipher the boundaries? Who knows right from wrong? Who knows someone that claims to be able to distinguish between right and wrong...?
Life, as i imagined it, isn't happening... which is maybe for the better... of others!
The death of an adolescent, the birth of... well you get it! It seems that the cliche-cynical things you can say about the whole thing-period of everyones life... trying to keep your distance and have fun everyday and... and... and... is far to interesting to NOT do!!! So, we doit doit doit and we feel good about it... Up until the point in nonexistent time, that we realize that whatever we have said or implied to others... is coming back as a painful footnote in your mortgage-agreement! we leave ourselves so much in the dark when we are in a good mood... and we do things that are insignificant at the precise moment... and so boring to deal with later. Then we lie... or excuse our selves and try to find allies to agree with us ... and spit dirt on our accusers: "accuser in the Bible Expand. Satan is styled the "accuser of the brethren" (Rev. 12:10. Comp. Job 1:6; Zech. 3:1), as seeking to uphold his influence among men by bringing false charges against Christians, with the view of weakening their influence and injuring the cause with which they are identified." ...and so what?!!! Nothing is done... the course of events seems to be unmovable, and that is why sign-reading is so in fashion... and has always been... 
By now... a lot of you will have begun to wonder about the stop-motion video in the beginning of this text... which by the way is called: "me and an awkwardly headed soup" i think the rate in which the pics change is somewhat the rate of my stress... 
a lot of good-bad-difficult-easy-unjust-fair-obscene-amazing things are happening... let us find a pace that speaks! 

"all sparrows are named achilles..."
that's what an ex-girlfriend used to tell me... i tried but really i do not remember why. i remember saying it a million times after the first time i heard it... it is it's simplicity, it's absurdness, or maybe the fact that it might be true! it is one of those expressions... -or might it become one of those?-.
i like sparrows... unlike pigeons that seem to have devolved in a zombie like creature in athens, sparrows still make me want to feed them... or meet them... i whistle at them trying to mimic their song, which i perceive as words and sentences... even the slight differentiation in what they "say" makes me feel we have communicated in a way... when i manage to whistle exactly the same notes they have sung, i feel that they pause ... and i explain it in my head as time needed by them to understand what i have just said... it is like i am a tourist who is trying to speak the native language... not to well!!! i have to admit that i try the same with other creatures with which there is no "simple" way of communicating... 
one of the themes that are constantly being discussed the past years is communication... some might say that humans are always going to thematize communication... it is essential to what we -humans- think life is! although the last seems whole... it has a hole. the hole in our communication is making the whole process kind-a-like space with a big black hole... (not a specialist!) it sucks everything and drags it in a dark space were no one sees it again...  
is the hole always there?
does it appear when we do something wrong?
is love or passion that feels the hole all the time and when that's gone the hole starts is sucking work?
can we do something about it...?
repetition makes me feel better... that is why i have repeated a million times and will do a million more, if i live, that all sparrows are named achilles... maybe it is how it sounds that makes me repeat it... it sounds good both in greek and english... the letter "L" sounds so nice...
sometimes repeating something... not only to yourself but to the surrounding company, spreads the word... and spreading the word with absurdity is leaving a mark in the world just like having a descendant... that will carry you after you die.
"all sparrows are named achilles..." i like to say it looking at a sparrow that has come unusually close and after being asked why? ...why i say it, i respond that it is not me saying it but Amalia... and i don't remember why, but i like to repeat it... i so like to repeat stuff! 

i had more interesting conversations, disagreements ... conflicted thoughts about monoblock than anyone could have imagined ... even me!
i borrow text from the projects fb page: "a project on chairs. These… white, plastic, ordinary, common chairs. The MONOBLOCK"

although lengthy texts seem to be more grown up and intellectual... and although i have an immense ability to speak for hours... i think that writing makes me get irritated sooner than later ... or maybe its the english language, not mine completely... thus the 3 dots (...) thus the kind-of-diary-like posts...
Collaborating with the sole purpose of doing the monoblock project made me find the questions to already given answers.... answers that were given by me in a number of instances: on stage, during performances, while rehearsing, while thinking about shows... puppet or theater ones... or in the moments we call important in life... the outdoors is great... the street is wonderful... the audience that is uninformed of the show that is happening while they become an audience is mesmerizing for the performer... all the questions theater, puppet theater, dance, music or even installations has to have answers for the minute they start presenting, are so much easier to give... some time you lie... but your lie is acknowledged as a lie... some times you say the truth... and the truth isn't good enough... most of the times you find Yourself and the Other in the end... and that is not so apparent!
Normality isn't a thing we seek... its is a state that comes anyhow... either we want it or not. Normality in the sense that even the most horrible outcome... is true the same time it happens... Even the biggest lie is true the moment you speak it... after that comes thought ... comes analysis ... comes theory, but for just a split second anything is possible...
Trying to make your goals happen, while the world is spinning, is the same even if you are acting... singing or cooking dinner...
Trying to inhale while there is no air.
Trying to explain while there is no way.
Trying to be calm while there is no chance.
Trying to change while there is no same moment.
Trying to write slightly bigger sentences, just to see a pyramid of words.
While performing, any of the monoblock performers could have perceived any of their experiences -old, new, simultaneous ones- as a thing to work on or not...
YES. Not impossible...!
nothing is...  The chairs by themselves made the best object to work on... As a friend of a friend said: "these chairs are unwritten"... white -even though they come in many colors... pure as snow... (NOT!!!) easy to carry... depending on the way... easily disposed (NOT!!!) relaxing to sit on (hmm) believed to be new (or at least as new as the time anyone of us first saw them) non important (but there every time something happens)
Lets do this again soon!

the gap... is to separate

what makes us live? what makes us hold on to life? holding on...
i suggest you play the song... 
for a while now... i smoke after 20:00... the first cigarette i light up... either at the predetermined time... or after makes me a bit woozy... its the time of day that everything should have being dealt with... its the time of day you should be glad you made it this far... in the day the month the year etc. still it is also the time of day to feel wrong... bad... sad. trying not to be... still isn't working much... still i hold on to life... everyday life... i keep on repeating things to do... to be done... and until the last conscious breath at night i still grab on things... thoughts... images of perplexities... in ionesco's amede... he writes: "...every breaking of dawn is a triumph... every sun arises..." 
its true (addition 11/11/15: the video below...)

the sun the sun!!! the mediterranean sun!!! you can think of the mediterranean sea driving the van in the narrow streets of athens (the streets of athens never seemed narrow before... they were, but they didn't seem to be) and the the sun made me think of the sea... and the sea has being on the news lately... 
time passes by and there is so small a change ... so little a difference...
waiting always makes me feel bizarre... its like i don't want to do it... a dead time... that why i try to multitask... that's why i never concentrate ... that is why i am always left with the results... results determine my feelings... good results good feeling ... bad ... okey you get it!
its the time of change and departure... same changes come from people departing, some change from lifestyle "departing"... there are good...
multitasking made me listen to this and i reply to fb messages... on the phone... hearing other people talk on the phone... drinking tea... smoking... 
overexposure in light, darkness, shadows... crisis... capital control... sentiments... confusion... talking... listening... changing... charging... lying... music... images... communication... three dots.
small text=less overexposure

i will write in english... my laptops' word corrector is in english... also i think that english will help me be more to the point... 
isn't the whole meaning of having a blog: to write more and more?
you knows?
Lets set somethings straight, i will write -here- text that comes from my thoughts, i will separate them with images... that could mean something or not... but every such image should also be seen as text separator... thus the one after this text will ... hmm! the one of this text will not separate it from something else... as this is the first text... maybe the rules should be written in a more central space... or i should repeat them every time... 
...anyhow the idea is to fulfill the purpose of this blog ( purpose )... 
still the idea that the picture at the end will be of no use and will not set things straight makes me pause... also keeping in mind that most of the times i start something like this (i.e. writing and posting) i do not manage to keep the habit...

things change!
change is inevitable... i haven't changed the stupid habit of trying to multitask, thus while writing i am also paying taxes, hearing someone that urges Greeks to go back to the drachma also waiting to see if i have new facebook friends or twitter followers, linkedin connections and google+ cycles ... i have recently entered the social media as a person... yes!
lets go back to change... it is inevitable... crises as well, divorces and so on... my question for some time now is what do you do while the "change" is happening... time doesn't pass just like that... okey yoga (thanx miss e ), therapy (she doesn't have a social media page... maybe because of therapy), acupuncture neither does she), friends (flirted with the idea to link to my fb friends page... its an open tab anyhow... but no)... BUT STILL TIME DOES NOT PASS... but when it does, it does, and everything seems better.
Some years before, i was asked to narrate a personal story concerning the theme of wonders... i will translate and copy write the text soon (i hope)... still for a capricorn -i am a capricorn, and just read the following: "If a cow is given a name by her owner, she generates more milk than a cow that's treated as an anonymous member of the herd. That's the conclusion of a study done by researchers at Newcastle University in the UK. "Placing more importance on knowing the individual animals and calling them by name," said Dr. Catherine Douglas, "can significantly increase milk production." "...-  wonders are kind of not ... true... or aren't they?
for someone that has not really believed in them... i seem to experience more and more these past few months... things of metal break! musical instruments fall apart, things get lost... and finally ... corners of pavements on which you have "conversations" are here one night and are gone in the morning... if only we could make change or changes happen as quickly as that...

the corner is -in the image below is not!!!- in pagrati neighborhood in varnava square